How to train cats for Mars colonization

As space agencies and private companies like SpaceX plan for interplanetary settlements, an unexpected question has emerged: Can cats become Mars colonists? While dogs have been to space (thanks, Laika), felines present unique challenges—and advantages. Here’s how you might actually prepare a cat for life on the Red Planet.

Step 1: Select the Right "Astro-Cat"

Not all cats are cut out for Mars. Ideal candidates should have:
✅ High adaptability (e.g., former street cats)
✅ Low stress response (test with vacuum cleaners & car rides)
✅ Strong litter box discipline (zero gravity = floating poop)

Best breeds? Maine Coons (large, hardy) or Russian Blues (calm under pressure).

Step 2: Zero-Gravity Training

Cats hate water, but space requires acclimation to weightlessness.

• NASA’s "Kittens in Space" Program (unofficial): Use slow-motion videos to simulate zero-G.

• Underwater treadmill (for muscle retention in low gravity).

• VR headsets for cats (expose them to Martian landscapes).

Pro Tip: Reward with freeze-dried salmon (future Mars colony food).

Step 3: Solve the Litter Box Problem

Mars’ gravity is 38% of Earth’s, meaning:
🚀 Poop will float.
🚀 Litter will escape.

Solutions:

• Magnetic litter boxes (with lunar regolith simulant).

• "Cat diaper suits" (tested by SpaceX’s pet division).

• AI-powered poop trackers (to prevent air contamination).

  
  
  

Step 4: Teach Martian Survival Skills

Cats must learn:
🐾 Pressurized suit tolerance (modified pet space helmets).
🐾 Emergency oxygen mask recognition (tuna-scented masks).
🐾 Radiation shelter recall (train with laser pointers).

Biggest risk? Solar flares. Solution: Lead-lined cat caves.

Step 5: Psychological Preparation

Mars colonies will be cramped. Prevent "space madness" with:

• AI-powered cat TV (simulated Earth birds/windows).

• Robot mice (for hunting practice).

• Elon Musk’s "Purr Mode" (Tesla cabins for stress relief).